A Game For Good Christians

Guest blogger Dr. Matthew E. Henry (MEH) uses poetry to ask why we’re so comfortable skipping over Jesus’ explanation that suffering is a part of God’s plan?

Sometimes a story about a spear through the genitals is not about sex…

On Sukkot and guest rooms: Why rethinking the "traditional" mis-tellings of the Nativity is so important. 

The Bible is an ancient text filled with stories that, on first (or second, or third) pass can seem very nasty, brutish, and short. But there is generally an underlying morality that makes perfect sense in an Ancient Near East context, and can still be applied today. Like “do what God tells you” and “don’t be a hypocrite!”

“The closest I ever came to having sex was right after prayer.” For many young adults, this observation would serve as a catalyst for a more active prayer life, but for us pious young men at a Christian college, this advice from a graduating senior served as a warning. Intimacy is risky and dangerous and, if you’re not careful, you’ll end up in the wrong holy of holies.

“As a white person, I haven’t experienced bone-deep rage many times in my life, if ever. I have zero experience with grinding, tormenting, humiliating oppression. By praying this psalm, I came face to face with the tiniest glimpse of what it’s like to be oppressed, and the fury it deserves.”

Perhaps you should take stock of your complicity in the oppression of others, despite your many reasons for saying you’re not a racist - sexist -homophobe - transphobe - ageist - ableist - elitist - [insert other assholery] because of [insert the ‘close personal friend/relative’ (who really isn’t)].

Jesus stormed into the Temple, made a whip, threw tables, broke animal pens, and went house with a weapon. But some say He was never “violent.” How do we reconcile the two? How do we live with the tension?

All analogies break down eventually, but when dealing with the Bible the consequences can be pretty stark. There are dangers to meme-ing the Bible, even when the intentions and message are good.

Perhaps you should ask if you can see the person, not condemn them for their action, and speak to them, as a person, in love, before you say anything at all about the “sin” you’re bothered by.

Learning to read Bible references is like learning to walk, talk, or wipe one’s own arse: you cognitively understand that someone helped you acquire proficiency at these skills, but often have no memory of the event.

Here we present some historical and textual context to from the book of Amos, and see it's message of social justice still (sadly) applies in the present.  We ask what fire will fall in our lives if the acts of inhumanity to man continue to be perpetrated not just out there, but in here, within the community, within the household of faith?

This post illustrates an example where where humor & confusion result from differing translations. And discusses whether priests can bang corpses. 

It’s now time to address that scythe wielding, six winged, cherub whose coming heralds fear in the heart of humanity [read that reference again] . . .

"Peter didn't know what the Hell he was talking about. He had no idea what the mountain-top experience really represented...Moses & Elijah represented encouragement and a reminder to be attentive to faithfulness, because dark days are coming..."

In discussing how fast "faith can move mountains," Matthew cuts Mark's three-day story in half. He speeds up the pace, chronologically and theologically. 

"...we would like to submit that good Christians tend to read and apply this passage incorrectly because we do not fully understand what the “cloud of witnesses,” the heroes of the faith, really represent ... They aren’t examples, they are warnings."

On the Holy Spirit, Alcohol, and How the Luke-Acts Narrative Contradicts the other Gospels

Schadenfreude:  "enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others." Sometimes God wants to kick your enemies in the face on your behalf.

The disciples slept through Judas' treachery no matter how much Jesus tried to shake them awake. From what social and spiritual stupors must we awake? What are we sleeping through? 

We love happy endings. So we sanitize the passage’s problems to fit the synoptic syllogism: "A is in pain / B loves A / B asks Jesus to help A / Jesus helps A." But that is not this story. This story reads very differently...

We are not advocating the practice of diddling dead bodies. Repeat: we are not saying you should get down with the departed. No horizontal dancing with the deceased. You shouldn’t make the beast with two back with the bereft. BUT the Bible's silence on the matter is interesting. 

The neat thing is we don't have to do what God's asking us to do. We don’t have to jump in a muddy river seven times, stroll around a city for seven days, or punch our friends in the face. We have free will. That's how God made us. 

God is not the father in the story, unless your God really sucks at being a father . . .

"When I read this card I hear a guideline and see a lens through which to evaluate what I’m doing with my life,  in a broad, whole picture view, or within a given, specific situation. It helps me make better decisions, informed by my choice to adhere to Jesus’ teachings to the best of my ability. I don’t do this out of a fear of Hell or destruction, but out of love for life – others’ as well as my own. 

"These two wives are held up sort of in opposition. The bits of Proverbs from which they come are not back-to-back, but they’re part of an ongoing comparison between desirable qualities and undesirable. Sometimes these qualities are literally about a wife, sometimes they’re about the inner life of the man being addressed. In both cases, they present two women: Woman Wisdom and Woman Folly, the good wife and the bad wife."

The Bible might be against selling puppies, people, or both in the sanctuary. It depends on your translation. 

A follow-up to our post regarding Franklin Graham's position on the refugee crisis, and a response to some unsolicited feedback from a fan. Because sometimes we must meet fake news and alternative faith head on. 

The story of "the rich young ruler" (or "the rich young man")  appears in all three synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark, & Luke). It also challenges one's ability to do theological math. 

...Frankie-boy, you brought the Bible into this: That wonderful tome we love, your butt-buddy's tiny hand swore the oath of office on (miraculously, without bursting into flames), and whose dust-covered binding you haven't cracked in years.

As we ponder the new year we would like to make a simple biblical suggestion: "God is in control" is often an example of Christian fatalism: an anti-intellectual, un-spiritual, amoral cop-out. God may have work to do, but so do you. 

No matter the "winner," many of us will feel argghghhahrrrr! We submit ten cards from our Red Letter Deck with the wisdom Christ has for us in the midst of this election season. 

Here's the tl:dr for the lazy: Judges does not present Samson as a hero. The context and structure of the book, as well as the context and structure of Samson's story all point to the same thing: Samson was a self-absorbed human being manipulated, not used, by God.  He is an example to be avoided, not upheld. 

On the issue of gender in the Bible, our game does the same thing it does with all topics: it tackles and wrestles with the uncomfortable.

"...What do we do with a silent God who kills His creation? What do we do when a supposedly righteous man remains silent?..."

"...Technically Malachi said God is smearing shit on your face and we’re just quoting him. And if you believe in divine inspiration of Scripture, then God told Malachi to write about God being a shit-smearer..."

"In the first century, the subjugation and silencing of women was standard issue, and shouldn’t come as a surprise. What should come as a surprise is that Paul was participating in it." 

"Perhaps Ludacris read this passage before composing the chorus to "What's Your Fantasy," biblical scholar that he is. Perhaps he got closer to the truth of this text than Matthew Henry. . ."

"While we may be able to emotionally relate to some elements of this story, the world in which it takes place is utterly unrecognizable to us. We can’t bring really any assumptions into the narrative as we read. It’s a shock to the system."

“Report on God’s redemption of a broken world,” They said. “Give people Canon Cards that have a measure of hope in them,” They said. So we did.  And They thought we were making a crude a sexual pun. (Seriously? We just can't win)...
 

"...you can laugh at “The Virginia Tech Massacre,” but “Babies with their brains dashed against stones” (Psalm 137) is problematic?..."

"If you’re a Christian reading this you have to admit that, in some fashion, you believe in an invisible sky daddy (or mommy, or being beyond gender) who became a human man, and somehow was his own father but was born of a virgin. . . at this point cows in sackclothes seems tame."

 . . . one year we’ll defend our belief in an incarnation timed for Sukkoth as there is no way Jesus was born in December, and we’ll write the Card Talk about how the wise men did not show up until He was three years old. Eventually we’ll even address the fact that the little drummer boy was actually a drunk Roman solider looking for his estranged wife (okay, we just made that last one up) . . .

Sadly, this Advent Card Talk is applicable every year...

We take up or give up, lift or put down, for specific purposes, but whichever we choose, the important thing is remembering that Lent is not about self-improvement—it is not New Year’s take two, a time to re-up on failed resolutions . . .

There is a case to be made that this naked boy was really an angel sent to leave Jesus a change of clothes . . .

Perhaps we all have our bouts with mental, emotional, spiritual, and social sheep sex...

These people that I read about and had put on a pedestal were no better than me. They sucked just as much as I do. But God still used them and told us their stories. That gave me hope.

When everything seems— when everything is— completely and utterly broken, the righteous continue to love while just barely keeping their shit together.

On Purim and the fact that the historical record is clear on this account: rulers in the Ancient Near East liked to shove things up people’s butts when they were mad.

There are 66 books in the (Protestant) Bible, but only about eight in the Good Christian's Choice Selections of Common Praise for Worship, Remembrance, and Joy Together in Song Book of the Faith . . .

Yes. The Bible talks about wet dreams. While this post proves that we did not pull this card out of our collective butts, there is more at stake here than puritanical sensibilities of when one's love juice should leave the box.

“Perhaps this is part of his punishment: a man who knew the value of family, destroyed the happiness he had; a man unable to treasure the gift in hand, lost it.”

Did you ever wonder what happened after they destroyed the Golden Calf? They drank it. What? Yes.

How you play our game is completely in your hands. You the player. You the liver of life. You the lover.

Perhaps this law is a microcosm of the idea that the God of the Hebrew Bible cares deeply for life, even for those who say, "I'm a good Christian who doesn't understand the Old Testament, and didn't Jesus do away with all this legal code nonsense anyway?"

Happy New Year…maybe

Remember: for some this season, family is unsafe. 

"...why can't these books be holy while still simply speaking of human love and romance? Is it because we've regulated sexuality to the basest, vilest, unspeakable regions of the theistic experience; sex has gotten so much bad press, that a book in the Bible cannot be only speaking about sensuality?"

While we don't want to take shots at other Good Christians, "Ezekiel bread"? Really? While others have commented on this in the past, we still have a few questions.

In response to the assertion, “God put that tree there because He just wanted humanity to fall!” STFU and RTFM.

 On why we haven’t created “A Game for Good Muslims”

Because clearly, some people just need to die. 

"A woman is not a field in which seed is sown and brings forth fruit in its season. She is a person. Furthermore, a woman is not defined by her ability to procreate. "

Yes, you might be offended playing this game. The Bible, like humanity, is messy because it contains the messy relationship between the divine and humanity: a relationship which is humorous and horrifying. Our game embraces this dissonance.